BIG NEWS!!! Bunny… BUN BUN… my oh so yummy BF has officially moved in! (OH stop saying YIKES, I do what I want, even if it’s making questionable choices about moving in my tasty new treat!)
In the movie “Anchorman,” there is a part where the epic and crude Ron Burgundy decides to show the spicy Veronica Corningstone how much of a man and hero he can be by jumping into the bear pit at the San Diego Zoo to save her. In this moment, as soon as he hits the dirt, he says, facing the 10-foot grizzly bear, “I immediately regret my decision.” I really feel him in this moment; well, at least Inner Me does. (She’s the one that stops Crazy Me from making all the bad choices, and let me tell you, she’s rarely heard.) *Insert palm to face here*
I’m in my living room having an out-of-body experience watching myself take pictures of Bunny and I with matching keys in our hands, uploading them to my Instagram, hashtagging “relationship goals.” It doesn’t matter what my (inner) outer body me does, because the me on the couch making all the idiotic choices in life is definitely NOT listening. I’m literally in front of me screaming, “Not again, Kennedy! Hoe, you are ruining our life! STOP! You can have sex and be treated like a queen without giving up your personal space! What are you doing??? Nooooooo!!!” But there I am just posting and hashtagging away. Freaking … idiot …
I know, warp speed, right? But they say when you know, you know, and I gotta tell ya, I don’t have a f’kn clue what I’m doing, but God do I love him. Even though Inner Me seems a little on edge, I ignore her. It’s hard not to want him around every waking second when he looks practically edible on the daily! Watching that bubble butt that I have been drooling over since the very first time I saw him turn around on our first date (a whopping three months ago) is one thing, but being able to stare at it in my kitchen on the reg while he’s wearing only boxer briefs as he makes me rainbow unicorn cupcakes, DEAR LORD JESUS, it’s worth muzzling my inner worrier. In the words of my baby brother, “I’m sure it’s fine.”
You know there are moments in my life where I look back and I wonder how the hell did things end up the way that they did? Then I think about my life decisions, specifically in this moment, and yup … it all makes sense. I, my friend, am a Dumpster fire. But screw it! I would rather burn down the place with this raging, fiery passion than play it safe and pretend that I am any kind of normal, cause let’s face it, bitch I am far from normal!
So there you have it, my crazy ass moved him in, and we haven’t left my kitchen since … well, I let him leave to shower and poop (come on, I’m not a monster!). I mean he seems happy, at least that’s what he says while he’s fighting back his tears of joy. Hahahah ohhh I am freaking crazy – crazy as hell and crazy for this man! I guess we will see how this all goes…
Till next time.